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#99: The Spicy Child with Mary Van Geffen

Season #2

Got a big-feeling, big-opinion, bigger-than-life kid? 👀 This episode with parenting coach and author Mary Van Geffen will feel like a deep exhale. We talk about spicy children (and spicy moms!), nervous system tools, real repair, and why you are not failing—your child is your curriculum.

5 Key Takeaways

  1. Redefine “Good Mom”
    A “good mom” isn’t measured by a child’s mood or compliance. It’s defined by how you show up—calm, kind, and firm—even when the socks have seams and the schedule’s tight.

  2. Your Child Isn’t the Enemy—They’re the Curriculum
    Spicy kids invite us into deeper spiritual and personal growth. Instead of seeing defiance as a battle to win, view it as a practice of identity, unconditional love, and leadership.

  3. The Conscious Pause Changes Everything
    Lengthen the gap between the trigger and your response. Put a hand on your heart and belly, breathe, and ask: “Who is upset here?” Regulate first; then lead.

  4. Repair Builds Real Connection
    Skip the “but you…” Add clarity instead: name what you did, name the impact, and share how you’ll do it differently next time. Invite their perspective: “What was that like for you?”

  5. Name the Spice—Then Celebrate It
    Make a running list of what’s beautiful about your spicy one (persistence, justice, creativity, voice!). Mirror those specifics back daily. Specific affirmation fuels cooperation and attachment.

Tools & Practices Mentioned

  • Conscious Pause: slow your response; regulate before you speak.

  • Embodied Archetype: choose your “queen/Wonder Woman/Glinda” energy to model calm leadership.

  • Specific Affirmations: reflect concrete strengths (“You stuck with that puzzle for 15 minutes—serious grit.”).

  • Family Culture Cues: preview expectations (“At dinner we speak life over each other.”).


Resources Mentioned:

Visit thefeastlife.me/blog/99 for additional resources and links

Parenting a Spicy One by Mary Van Geffen (pre-order bonuses include Meltdown Meditations for Moms and Affirming Your Spicy One masterclass). 

Repair PDF: Mary’s step-by-step repair guide 

Just Getting Started? Get our FREE Charlotte Mason and You Workshop to see if this powerful approach can transform your homeschool. https://www.thefeastlife.me/opt-in

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Today’s episode is sponsored by the award winning Charlotte Mason curriculum A Gentle Feast. Get started with smooth and easy days at https://www.agentlefeast.com.